Refresh! Relax! Revive! Part 4

Refresh! Relax! Revive! Part 4: Love their husbands  How do I love thee

That they may teach the young women… to love their husbands…” Titus 2:3

This is part 4 of my series on the Spiritual Health Spa, it is a series I taught as a “Titus Two Time” to the younger ladies in our church a few years ago, I hope it will be a blessing to you. Together, we are learning how to Refresh, Relax, and Revive, spiritually. You can click on the links to read the previous parts to catch up if you are just joining us. Today, we will continue on the list of things the older women are to teach the younger women, and so we come to “love their husbands”…

Sorry, I tried to keep it brief!

Last time we talked about how we are to be sober – seeking the Lord, and being wise and sensible. The next characteristic builds on this, I chose hands for loving husbands and children because our hands are generally what we use to serve others (Psalm 90:17). I chose our Right Hand to represent loving our husbands because, when God made Eve he made her to be a help meet (or fit) for Adam (Genesis 2:20-24), and she is to be his “right-hand woman”, his invaluable assistant!

Well, we make our hands soft with lotion, and we might go get our nails done to make them clean & pretty. So, lets make sure that this right-hand woman is soft, clean, and pretty before her Lord. This is an area that has been a challenge for me, because my husband and I both came from dysfunctional families (and didn’t we all, really?), and it is something that I am still learning. Hands can be instruments of cruelty as well as instruments of kindness, and if we are not careful, we can be cruel to our husbands, can’t we? I think I know one reason that the older women are told to teach the younger women to love their husbands: I have a secret to tell you:

I love my husband, but sometimes he drives me crazy!!

I have another secret to tell you:

Men and women are very different, physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, every way!!

Men and women are like oil and vinegar. Sometimes living together as one flesh can be very hard, but if we do things God’s way, our relationship with our husbands can bring us great joy and satisfaction. It is good for older women to be aware of this and be ready to gently remind younger women that their husbands are a gift from the LORD. So, I have come up with ten “ -ly” words, some adverbs, to remind us of how we are to love our husbands. So, ladies, love your husband:

Prayerful-ly– (Colossians 3:9-11) PRAY! Spend time with the LORD. It is only through His strength, His grace, and His Holy Spirit’s enablement that we can love as He loves. Pray for your husband! He needs your prayers that God will protect him, strengthen him, give him wisdom, draw him closer to Himself, give him opportunities to serve Him, and keep him from temptation and evil. Our job is to love Him, it is God’s job to change him.

Primari-ly- (Titus 2:4) After the Lord, our husband should be our FIRST PRIORITY – he is the one you will grow old with after the children are gone! Please him first (1 Corinthians 7:34), before friends, parents, children – anyone else! ALWAYS include him in decisions, keep him informed, even if he seems distracted.

Selfless-ly(Matthew 23:11) Jesus served others, He said that the greatest among you shall be the servant. In order to love our husbands properly, we need to PUT SELF ASIDE and look to his needs first. Remember WHY God gave woman to man: Because he needed a helper specially made for him, and we can only be that special helper when we do things God’s way.

Faithful-ly – (1 Timothy 3:11) Be faithful to him, be his greatest cheerleader, when others are criticizing him, let him know you are on his side. Cheerleaders don’t yell out “I could’ve done that play better!” No, they yell “You can do it!” and, “Try it again!” He will make mistakes, He will be selfish! And so will you! But don’t get bitter – bitterness grows when we start dwelling on things that our husband has done to upset us, often unknowingly, and we have not forgiven him for.

Intentional-ly (Proverb 18:24) “To love their husbands” uses the Greek word philandros for ‘love’ which means “beloved”, or “a dear friend”, it denotes “sweetness”. HOW YOU GREET HIM when he comes home sets the tone for the whole evening, so be sweet! We are all busy, bless your hearts, those of you who work full time and still have to come home and be a wife and mother, but this is SO VITAL. It is SO easy, to go separate ways, start thinking selfishly, do your own thing, and drift apart, that is so dangerous!!

Respectful-ly (Ephesians 5:33) Being his helper means finding ways to make his life easier, we are to place ourselves under his authority, that doesn’t mean we are his inferior, though. He is the head of the home, because God says he is (Ephesians 5:23). God knows our needs, He knows that a woman’s greatest need is to be loved, and a man’s basic need is to be respected. Ephesians 5:33 tells us to “reverence” our husbands, that means to respect or honor. That means don’t question all his decisions, don’t tell him what to do, and don’t undermine his authority. There are times that you may need to respectfully bring up an area that you see he seems to be struggling, but do it humbly, and with the intention of restoring him (Galatians 6:1), not as a way to self-righteously point out all his faults! Again, Our job is to love Him, it is God’s job to change him.

Joyful-ly (Proverbs 17:22) Have fun, laugh, joke, make up private jokes that only the two of you know, be intimate! No man wants to come home to a sourpuss. SMILE!! I have found that even if I am thinking about something completely different, if I am frowning, my husband assumes that I am disgruntled with him for some reason – so, keep a pleasant expression on your face – it really does make a difference.

Thankful-ly (I Thessalonians 5:18) It is God’s will for us to be thankful for everything, so shouldn’t we be thankful for this man who has promised to love us til death do us part? Who is the father of our children, who cares for and provides for us, and who would undoubtedly give his own life to protect his wife and children? Tell him you are thankful for him. The older I get, the more thankful I am that this wonderful, good-looking guy still finds me attractive, and still wants to get fresh with me!! Which leads us to..

Physical-ly (1 Corinthians 7:5; Hebrews 13:4) Be physically intimate with each other regularly. God designed sex in marriage for several reasons – procreation is one, but also to give closeness and oneness, to meet our desire for intimacy, to protect either partner from the danger of temptation to adultery(Proverbs 5:18-20), and also for pleasure! We are showing obedience and love to God as well as to our husbands by responding to our husbands physically and not “defrauding” or depriving him (1 Corinthians 7:4-5). Keep yourself attractive for him, exercise, stay in shape, wear sexy nightwear, light candles, be romantic!! It is important to him, believe me!

Loving-ly – (John 13:34-35) Finally, others should see the relationship that we have with our husbands and see that we are Christians by our love for each other, and they should want to have that same kind of relationship. Our marriage should be a testimony to a lost world of God’s love. A Christian marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:32). Memorize 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, and keep it on your mirror! None of us are perfect, he will fail, YOU will fail, but stay close to the Lord, LOVE your husband, and be kind and forgiving to him as you would want him to be kind to you, and as Christ has been kind and forgiving to you (Ephesians 4:32).

So, be his right-hand woman, love him, primarily, selflessly, faithfully, intentionally, respectfully, joyfully, thankfully, physically, and lovingly. You won’t regret it, you will get the blessing!

~Graced and Grateful Grammy

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” (Galatians 6:9)


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